I have not posted an update of our journey in several months, for a couple of reasons. One, we've been in a bit of a medical holding pattern, so there hasn't been much to say, positively at least. Two, I've been struggling with some anxiety and depression surrounding the situation, so it's been too difficult to put down my thoughts.
Following my surgery last summer, my doctor told us to try three or four cycles, just to make sure the laparoscopy actually solved some issues. The great news was that I finally had a month with little pain. I also had more regular cycles and ovulation tests showed that I was ovulating. I was feeling more hopeful for good news since the surgery had shown some result.
When those four cycles went by with no pregnancy, we returned to the doctor. She was pleased to hear that my pain was greatly diminished, but she wanted to be sure the ovulation tests were accurately reporting a hormone increase. After a blood test, it was determined that no, they were not correct and that I was, in fact, not ovulating. We were told to start Clomid 50mg and to return for blood work later.
This was quite a blow. I felt like this was something that could have been found years ago. Yet, here we are, five years into this journey, and it's almost as if we're starting over.
I was hesitant to start Clomid, because of the side effects. Hot flashes, nausea, migraines, and a rage that burns like a thousand suns really makes you feel like your going through menopause. But the rewards far outweigh the discomfort. J and I prayed and talked about it, though, and ultimately we decided to go ahead with the meds.
After one cycle of Clomid, blood tests showed a slight increase in progesterone, so I was given a double dose for the next cycle. We were thrilled that we saw a positive outcome! However, the double dose really threw me for a loop. When your hormones are going crazy, you feel like you're going crazy, too. And with my history of anxiety and depression, it nearly broke me. But I kept telling myself to keep my eyes on the prize, it'll all be worth it. Then, the next blood test showed a lower level of progesterone than before, so I was given a triple dose for the next cycle.
Triple?? I was overwhelmed, depressed, and discouraged. This medication was wreaking havoc with my health - physical and emotional - but where were the benefits? Plus, Clomid is only prescribed for three cycles. We only have one more chance with this before being sent to a fertility treatment center, about which I'm still uncertain.
And now, currently, I have completed the third round of Clomid, awaiting the day that blood work will occur. I must admit, I am still working through the depression, which is only compounded by the swirling torrent of hormones. But I know that God has a plan for us, and that we must keep our eyes on Him in order to weather this storm. We appreciate any prayers that your could send our way!