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Hello, my name is Amy, and I suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Contrary to popular belief, OCD is not just about washing hands, making lists, or being a general "neat freak". It is a debilitating mental illness characterized by excessive and intrusive thoughts, or obsessions, which then cause compulsions, the repeated behaviors.
I'm not talking "Man, this song has been stuck in my head all day!" kind of obsessions, either.
Imagine that you have a terribly inappropriate thought or a horribly disturbing image in your mind. It makes you feel physically uncomfortable just to have this thought. But instead of easily pushing the thought aside, your brain replays it over and over.
And over.
And.
Over.
You begin to think, "Normal people don't think about awful things like this! What is wrong with me?!"
The discomfort you initially felt begins to turn to guilt, as if you are actually willing yourself to continue the broken record in your head. You don't want to have these thoughts, and yet you can't control it.
On one hand, you think you're losing your mind, while on the other, you fully understand that there is nothing rational about your fear. Obviously your thoughts cannot actually cause your real harm. Right?
Oh, great. The doubt.
You begin to panic. There's got to be SOMETHING that you can do to makes these horrendous thoughts go away!
Cue the compulsions.
"I know what to do!", screams your brain. "Let's perform an unrelated and repetitive act to get your mind off of your intrusive thoughts!"
You begin a ritual, like flipping a light switch repeatedly or counting your steps as you walk. For me, I straightened wall hangings or prayed very specific prayers.
It works!
For a minute.
But the thoughts return, just as quickly as they fled.
This continues all day, every day. It is, quite literally, a never-ending cycle.
I say all of this, not to garner sympathy, but to spread awareness about the severity of the true pain that mental illness creates.
Those of us who suffer from psychological disorders cannot control our brains in the same way others can. For instance, I am fully aware that fixing a crooked picture frame will not remove an intrusive thought out of my mind. But there is something in my brain that forces me to still perform that crazy ritual. It's like an itch in my brain that I can't scratch. I cannot stop myself.
So often, we jokingly say things like, "I can't make up my mind! I'm so bipolar!", or, "I'm so ADD, I can't stay focused!"
Or my personal fave, "I like to keep things very neat, I'm so OCD!"
Trust me. You do not want OCD. It's not cute or quirky. It's a painful disease that I had to learn to cope with. I would not wish it upon anyone.
So, pretty please, with sugar on top, please pray for those who are caught in this vicious cycle of lies. For many of us are so stuck inside our own minds, we can't see that Our Father is right there with us.
Somberly yours,
Amy
Disclaimer: The situation above is a recount of personal experience with obsessive-compulsive disorder and is not meant to be used as a way to self-diagnose. If you or a loved one is suffering with anxiety and/or depression, please seek professional medical attention.
Contrary to popular belief, OCD is not just about washing hands, making lists, or being a general "neat freak". It is a debilitating mental illness characterized by excessive and intrusive thoughts, or obsessions, which then cause compulsions, the repeated behaviors.
I'm not talking "Man, this song has been stuck in my head all day!" kind of obsessions, either.
Imagine that you have a terribly inappropriate thought or a horribly disturbing image in your mind. It makes you feel physically uncomfortable just to have this thought. But instead of easily pushing the thought aside, your brain replays it over and over.
And over.
And.
Over.
You begin to think, "Normal people don't think about awful things like this! What is wrong with me?!"
The discomfort you initially felt begins to turn to guilt, as if you are actually willing yourself to continue the broken record in your head. You don't want to have these thoughts, and yet you can't control it.
On one hand, you think you're losing your mind, while on the other, you fully understand that there is nothing rational about your fear. Obviously your thoughts cannot actually cause your real harm. Right?
Oh, great. The doubt.
You begin to panic. There's got to be SOMETHING that you can do to makes these horrendous thoughts go away!
Cue the compulsions.
"I know what to do!", screams your brain. "Let's perform an unrelated and repetitive act to get your mind off of your intrusive thoughts!"
You begin a ritual, like flipping a light switch repeatedly or counting your steps as you walk. For me, I straightened wall hangings or prayed very specific prayers.
It works!
For a minute.
But the thoughts return, just as quickly as they fled.
This continues all day, every day. It is, quite literally, a never-ending cycle.
I say all of this, not to garner sympathy, but to spread awareness about the severity of the true pain that mental illness creates.
Those of us who suffer from psychological disorders cannot control our brains in the same way others can. For instance, I am fully aware that fixing a crooked picture frame will not remove an intrusive thought out of my mind. But there is something in my brain that forces me to still perform that crazy ritual. It's like an itch in my brain that I can't scratch. I cannot stop myself.
So often, we jokingly say things like, "I can't make up my mind! I'm so bipolar!", or, "I'm so ADD, I can't stay focused!"
Or my personal fave, "I like to keep things very neat, I'm so OCD!"
Trust me. You do not want OCD. It's not cute or quirky. It's a painful disease that I had to learn to cope with. I would not wish it upon anyone.
So, pretty please, with sugar on top, please pray for those who are caught in this vicious cycle of lies. For many of us are so stuck inside our own minds, we can't see that Our Father is right there with us.
Somberly yours,
Amy
Disclaimer: The situation above is a recount of personal experience with obsessive-compulsive disorder and is not meant to be used as a way to self-diagnose. If you or a loved one is suffering with anxiety and/or depression, please seek professional medical attention.